Monday, 1 October 2012

10 things people never say in restaurants

  1. "If I bring my own food, can you just heat it up for me?"

    And if the proprietor obligingly says yes to (1), then:
  2. "I don't know anything about cooking. Could you just quickly talk me through what ingredients to buy and how to prepare them?"
  3. "Can I just borrow a knife and a chopping board? I know what I'm doing, I used to work in a canteen."

    If the proprietor makes the mistake of saying yes to (3), then:
  4. "Can you just show me how to use this knife? I'm good with spoons and forks and stuff, but I've never really used a knife before" ... and proceeds to take up more of the chef's time than if he'd just cooked the meal in the first place.
  5. Whilst getting in the way of the proprietor who is trying to move tables and chairs out onto the patio: "I know you don't open for another 15 minutes, but could you just quickly make me something to eat now? I'm in a bit of a hurry." Then (counter-productively for both parties) loiters in the doorway.
  6. "If I buy all the ingredients from you, will you charge me extra to cook them?"
  7. "Can I watch the chef while he cooks my meal so I know how to do it myself next time?"
  8. "£9.50 for a single course!?! F***in' 'ell, you can get a whole supermarket ready-meal for less than that!"
  9. "How much do you charge for a meal?" When the waiter explains that it depends entirely on what he orders, the customer replies "Just roughly how much? On average". The waiter says the usual practice is to book a table and browse through the menu, and reiterates that the price will depend on what the customer chooses. So the customer books a table for the following week, and never shows up.
  10. "Hi. I had a meal here a couple of days ago and you said it would be really filling, but I'm hungry again already. Can I have a refund?" 


  1. this actually gives me a great idea for a restaurant where chef's teach people how to make the meal themselves. Maybe if bike shops offered courses you'd hear less of this. People want to do these types of things

    1. Almost every bike shop I've ever been to DOES offer courses.... but, being businesses, they do indeed charge for the service.

      If people really want to learn and they are self-aware considerate individuals who have a modicum of respect for a bike shop employee/owner, why don't they say, "Does your shop offer lessons? I'd love to sign up for classes."

      All of the examples in this post are examples of rude behavior, no matter what the customer wants. I'm inclined to think that when someone asks for free work, or to use a shop (which costs money to own and operate) for free, they aren't actually saying, "Hi I'd love to sign up for courses." What they are really saying is, "I'm cheap and I don't want to pay for this."

    2. You should open that restaurant then. And open a bike shop that teaches classes as well. It sounds really simple. Let us all know how it goes!

    3. Bike Co-ops exist in lots of cities where people will gladly help you learn to work on your own bike. Check out if there's one in your area:

    4. David a) fair points b) what are the odds that you find a mechanic that you weirdly know by name from the bike shop that you used to frequent when you lived in New Haven for a year abroad on the comments thread of a blog with only 4 posts? c) Reddit.

    5. i love that restaurant idea - run with that you'll make a fortune - or at least end up on Oprah

    6. we offer courses at the shop i'm at. we have a good turnout for them. there is a fee that most gladly pay. we still get knuckleheads that want things done for free on bikes that weren't bought in our store.the ones that buy online think that by having their parts installed at our shop is really helping support a local business. this is while they are trying to negotiate the installation charge. i've found that it's not that they are cheap but they just don't value or see what we do for a living as a service that should cost.

    7. I got to admit I did number 9 once, then felt really stupid after -

    8. I think they meant course as in the first course of the meal, not a course that is taught.


  2. I teach classes at B S S LAMAR

  3. We offer courses for free at the bike shop where I work. We let people know about them, but they don't want to sign up.

  4. amen, and people wonder why shop staff are surley.