- "If I bring my own food, can you just heat it up for me?"
And if the proprietor obligingly says yes to (1), then:
- "I don't know anything about cooking. Could you just quickly talk me through what ingredients to buy and how to prepare them?"
- "Can I just borrow a knife and a
chopping board? I know what I'm doing, I used to work in a canteen."
If the proprietor makes the mistake of saying yes to (3), then:
- "Can you just show me how to use this knife? I'm good with spoons and
forks and stuff, but I've never really used a knife before" ... and
proceeds to take up more of the chef's time than if he'd just cooked the
meal in the first place.
- Whilst getting in the way of the proprietor who is trying to move tables and chairs out onto the patio: "I know you don't open for
another 15 minutes, but could you just quickly make me something to eat now? I'm in a
bit of a hurry." Then (counter-productively for both parties) loiters in the doorway.
- "If I buy all the ingredients from you, will you charge me extra to cook them?"
- "Can I watch the chef while he cooks my meal so I know how to do it myself next time?"
- "£9.50 for a single course!?! F***in' 'ell, you can get a whole supermarket ready-meal for less than that!"
- "How much do you charge for a meal?" When the waiter explains that it depends entirely on what he orders, the customer replies "Just roughly how much? On average". The waiter says the usual practice is to book a table and browse through the menu, and reiterates that the price will depend on what the customer chooses. So the customer books a table for the following week, and never shows up.
- "Hi. I had a meal here a couple of days ago and you said it would be really filling, but I'm hungry again already. Can I have a refund?"